Dust

I'm out of it in this trough

when are You gonna show up and save the day?

when are You gonna show up and take me away?

when are You gonna condemn me for what I say?

how long do I have to not feel this way?

Show up! would You?

Cuz I can't tell You how much I miss Your presence.

And I hate when I hate when I need to love

and I want to say it's because I can't feel You

but You tell me that it's something inside of me

and i can't take it when You say that

because apathy is an old rival who knows me too well.

So now what?

I toss another pebble out into the lake and watch the ripples come racing back to us on the shore. You sit there breathing in the silence, listening. I tell you I feel like I'm stuck in the ditch, spinning out before it even gets to the axel. You tell me it's spelled axle.

"What do we do when we're stuck in a rut?"

"I don't know, I was hoping You would tell me."

"We get out and walk. We go back to basics. The fancy stuff isn't working anymore, so we take a step back and carry on. I know you've got this walking thing down, but there's a reason for that. C'mon, let's go."

We climb out and start walking, and a tear runs down my cheek again.

Bread of Life

I'm so stoked to get to heaven and not be hungry or thirsty again. Seriously, think about that. Never having to sit there wondering if you want another Oreo or if you'd rather have chips or if you're actually thirsty and you just can't tell. Being satisfied for all of all time; what an insane idea! But here's what Jesus assures us:

"I am the bread of life," Jesus told them. "No one who comes to Me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in Me will ever be thirsty again. But as I told you, you've seen Me, and yet you do not believe." John 6:35-36 HCSB

and:

Jesus answered, "If you knew the gift of God, and who is saying to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would ask Him, and He would give you living water."

"Sir," said the woman, "You don't even have a bucket, and the well is deep. So where do You get this 'living water'? You aren't greater than our father Jacob, are You? He gave us this well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and livestock."

Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again -- ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life." John 4:10-14 HCSB

Seriously, it's gonna be awesome. And it will have nothing to do with our stomachs. :)

We Are The Moon

The following poem was born in a rather unique way. On the night leading in to my 20th birthday, I spent my last half hour as a teenager laying under the stars having a brutally honest conversation with God. I told Him that I wanted to start really, truly living for Him this year. I was sorry for the fact that I hadn't yet, and I knew that I couldn't go on without Him completely consuming my life. I wanted this year to be "the one that started it all." And if I wasn't living that way, I didn't want to live. I lay before God vulnerably and honestly asked Him to remove me from this earth if I wasn't living in His will. Seeing that I was still alive in the flesh (or is that dead?) I spoke the following poem starting at 12:01 am on Thursday, September 23, 2010. I knew only the first four words to this poem when I set out; speaking them to my roommate who was laying next to me. As I continued to speak, the Spirit told a story through me. I wrote it down as I remembered it in class later that day and I think I'm ready to share it now.

We Are The Moon

We are the moon.

We are a rock like all the rest, nothing special.

We have our craters and blemishes and dark spots.

We have no light of our own.

But we have been separated and given a reflective soul.

We are the moon.

And in the morning the Sun watched over us.

It protected us, guided us.

And then the Sun rose among us.

It spread its light everywhere.

It lit up the sky and the earth.

But its light shone into uncomfortable places,

so we tore it down.

We are the moon.

And the Sun has set and it is our time to shine.

We have become a beacon in the darkness.

We are the moon.

And we are always chasing the Sun.

We will never catch it, bet we keep chasing,

Hoping to put ourselves in position to reflect it fully,

So that when the Sun comes back

We will have helped as many as possible to join us

When we land among the stars.

We are the moon.

And He is the Sun.

Life as I Know It.

I'm past the end of my rope, and past caring

My own will gave out long ago and now there's no hope of sharing.

I can't continue to go on like this.

I know confession will only make things better,

but I'm having trouble speaking out, so here, I'll write this letter.

I hate the way I tell myself my life is gonna change.

And how at the end of every week I see that everything's the same.

I hate the way we tell each other that we won't live this way any more.

I hate the way I yell at You then preach Your truth at core.

I hate the way I see your dirt and judge you and condemn

instead of loving and caring for humanity and offering a helping hand.

I hate the way I listen to your lies about my God.

I hate that every time it happens, you prove yourself a fraud.

I hate that I keep coming back and losing the same war

after I already told myself not to go there anymore.

I hate the way I can't express how much you mean to me.

I hate the way You hold the door closed so I can't see.

I want to break the door down and see what lies ahead.

I want to get up and have a quiet time instead of lying in bed.

I want you to understand how today decides tomorrow.

I want you to see my love for you intsead of all my sorrow.

I want to find the way to live in harmony where I'm at.

I want to show you how He loves and not judge you because of your hat.

I wish I could be filled with wisdom, knowledge and answers.

I wish I knew how to really comfort you about your friend who died from cancer.

I wish we could really talk instead of being all awkward.

I wish I had a better vision or goal for you to walk toward.

I wish You'd come down and fix all of our problems

Or maybe just give me the answers so I can solve them.

I like the way you open up and talk about real things.

I like the way the Spirit shows through you when you sing.

I like the way you chase your other squirrel friends around the tree.

I like the way you text me when there's a good sunset to see.

I love the way you talk about past lives and past brothers.

I love the way you are supportive and encouraging to others.

I love the way You find me here in the pit of my despair

And bring me back to the surface for another breath of air.

I love the way the sun shines brighter when I see you smile

And how my burden gets lighter after we talk for a while.

I love the way you let me see you struggle with your faith.

I love the way you hug me man, and how your laughter fills a place.

I love the way you mentor me and teach me where I'm at.

I love the way you're curious and have whiskers "like a cat!"

I love the look on your face when you listen to what I'm saying.

I love the way you cross yourself when you are praying.

I love the way You work things together for our good

and I love the way You love me when I don't think you should.